Last Night I Mourned the Loss of Her

Last night I mourned the loss of her
For years I've searched for her
For years I've wanted to speak to her
For years I've carried the guilty image of how I last left her
Alone, confused, and torn
I knew she was hurt, how much, I
was unsure
I knew she was damaged but I thought she'd stay tough
I knew she'd  suffer in silence but I had to focus on work
Along with so much other stuff
I didn't even realize how long she was gone or how much she was worth

Last night I mourned the loss of her
But now the need to find her is more severe than ever before
Because I remember how I left her battered unhealthy and scorn
I neglected her and told her everything will be ok just keep pressing forward

Last night I mourned the loss of her
I had to search really deep inside myself to find her
Somewhere between a big heart and a hurt soul
There she lay weeping and shivering out in the cold

Last night I mourned the loss of her
First thing I said to her was, "The war is over we don't have to fight anymore".
I know the battle was tough but we won the war
I tried to lift her up but she was to weak to be strong
She was stronger than this when I left, what happened, what went wrong?

Last night I mourned the loss of her
Fragile, frail and weak I still screamed at her to get up and press on
No matter what you feel bury it deep and act like it's gone
I  continued to scream and kick her down even more

Last night I mourned the loss of her
I called her a coward and said many mean things
For crying out loud all she had to do was get rid of the pain
I told her there's no such thing as trauma she was just caught up in the game
I told her stop her weeping it won't change anything
No one cares ,stand up straight, and fix your face

Last night I mourned the loss of her
I lifted her to her feet but she collapsed in my arms unable to bare the blame
When I looked in her eyes I expected pain but instead I seen nothing remains the same
That we must forgive what we may never understand
I was so hard on her when it was this version of me who needed to change

Last night I mourned the loss of her
For it took me losing her to remember what it feels like to feel whole again