Don't Know What to Call this One

“Don’t know what to call this one”

Of all the weeks to be. This week made a real woman out of me.

Had to choose respect over love. Sacrifice over money. Myself to be lonely

But in it all, my heart isn’t hurting.

For some odd reason. I still lay awake each night with questions. Like, why?

Why was it hard to respect me and the ability of my simple no and go on? A no that set the tone for the things that I was not going to allow to go on.

If indeed a change is to happen, you cannot force someone to change; they themselves must first see the vindication in what you and others see in order to realize that their life is different.

My simple no to things you agreed to in the beginning but by the middle you tried to deceive me about because your initial thought was, “ I’ll force my way of thinking; sooner or later.”

Why was it so hard to alleviate my stress by respecting my rules that I have put in place?

I won’t change you as I took you as you are. Your no’s, your inability to be truthful even when I could read the boastful lies in your eyes.

Forsaking your past because that was before me. Knowing that we could never go backwards. That road was erased quietly.

Accepting that a great amount of time has passed, and somehow your angle would have not been the same. However, instead it was no different.

The vocabulary changed but the paper the same. Just different words that turned out to be the same as the ones from before.

Me, me, me, a different me, a fleeting promise that evaporated through a closed door. A quiet lie that spoke volumes. Other words that never came. Like I am sorry I lied, nor this is who I am. But more like take it or leave it. It’s you I need to change.

But you, the taker, with the wrong hook. Under generated, and possibly conceited. Oh, how fairy-tales and reality seem to never match up.

All different situations but ending with the same underlining problem

Not going to hang my head low while I think, just looking at this as some of the things in life that makes us great

They call us out of arrogance, complacency, and comfort; for the things that we once believed we thought we knew have surfaced again but this time wearing different shoes.

Then leaves us living inside the house of humility the situations that come to break us but instead make us more than conquerors because we have survived what some call the extraordinary

We entail knowledge, wisdom, and a locked gate around our hearts until the next time that the sun comes out with sealed deliveries hanging from it rays of hope

Shooting stars are often quite playful at night. But the reality is they are no longer shining because they have fallen.

Seeming like something metaphorically meaning as long as your feet are on the ground and your head is held up to keep your light burning.

 A lighthouse that keeps going even in the darkest of situations, because of the oil from situations that is refilling from being stored up.

Never looking back to lose hope. Understanding that defeat only lasts long when you haven’t learned the art to retreat.
 Re-strategize.

Never be afraid to begin again. A lot of life is made up of second chances, with different opportunities and all the … in between

Caroline S
@smoothrunningla / twitter