I do not even have a crush

To my brain my blood does not rush
For I do not even have a crush
I have no one to dream about all day
No one to convince me to stay

I have no one who might one day hold my hand
Or go with me to see that terrible band
I have no one whose presence gives me butterflies
or who makes me deeply dread our goodbyes

For I do not even have a crush
Not one person who makes my cheeks flush
I haven’t had one in over a year
To never have one is my fear

I’ve never been fond of celebrities
Always too far away from real
Boy bands never interested me
Too much boyish zeal

I just want someone close by
Who holds me when I cry
He doesn’t have to be perfect, I know I’m not
I just want someone who thinks of me a lot

I would think of him too
In that romanticized dreamy kind of way
And I don’t think I would ever stop
Even when we turn old and grey

But I don’t even have a crush
I don’t even have an ideal
And sometimes this frustration
Is all I seem to feel

Maybe this is better than the pain
Of being rejected in the pouring rain
But no matter how hard I try
I’m convinced that is a lie

So I’m spending another Night alone
Not one message to light up my phone
No real friends to call my own
Looking and learning but Unseen and unknown