A Midsummer Night's Pipedream

(in which Willie gets the shakes after a visit to the Golden Triangle, and lodges in the Betty Ford Clinic under the care of Nurse Nancy Reagan, who treats him by pinning a Just Say No patch to his skin; and Edgar Allan Poe is quoted in the BBC, saying, "Methinks the Bard a lightweight.")

"Forsooth," saith I, "woulds't thou perchance,
By yon summer sunset's fiery glow,
Assist my e'erlasting quest
For the glorious green and gold?"

"Fear not," spake he, "For ye shall see
'Tis futile to search elsewhere!
Push unto me lucre," saith he.
"Thou shalt posess thine share!"

That very moon arrived so soon,
Transformed us to sets of TV.
We slew the bush in the wake of the push:
Kid Jello, The Countess, and me.

I bade linguistic -- ah! 'Neath the sheets,
As Contessa shriekedst delight!
Yet the cobblestone walk is public:
Herds of plebeian reared in fright,

For he of the elm, assuming his realm,
Clamp didst he upon my sleeve,
And wielding that with a tip of the hat,
"Depart thou wilt with me this fine eve."

Saith I, "Alas! Kisseth thou mine ass!
I've endeavors superior to thy groove!"
Yet then spake he, "I shall crack thine knee!
Maketh nary ye one false move!"

"Halt!" holleredst he, "in the name of the King!
'Tis in the name of the King I shout!
Halt! lest I summon fowl whirly from yon perch!"
"Nay!" saith I, "till the day I die,
You vile, decrepit old lout!
For my very name hath been besmirched!"

"To the dungeon!
To the dungeon!
To the dungeon with his ass!
To the dungeon he must go!"
Unknowing, whilst didst I this farce comedic mock,
That the dungeon was so cold!

O! Were it noble to Heavenly be,
Endeavoring as I should;
Ah, yes! Wouldst I should kick the habit,
And give up smoking for good!

 © John Kennan 1977ish