Analysis of Sleepy Girl



A fogged hue envelops the world outside my window.
A bother of a woman evades me by dreaming softly.
There is an uneasiness in my frustration that clings.
I'm afraid the moment I sleep she will spring to life.

She dreams of trains in a far away place shes never seen.
Of silent shuffling along smoky, crowded platforms.
Of a woman drawing a heart in the condensation, smiling.
She mutters that she loves me and rolls over once more.

My jaw feels so tight and my mouth dryly flickers,
Creating itches trying to disturb her deep slumber.
Its a fool's errand for short of scratching her ribs,
She won't awaken for me.

Her breathing is easy and her face gently graces towards me,
Smooth hands gripping the buttons on her top ever so softly,
A gorgeous image that despite proximity feels distant,
Too far to hold yet too close to just ignore and sleep.


Scheme XAXX XXXX XXXA AAXX
Poetic Form
Metre 0110100111110 010101001111010 1111000101011 1010101111111 11110010111101 110100110101 101010010001010 1101111011011 111110111010 01010101010110 101101111001 1101011 0101100011010011 111001010110110 010101010100110 1111111110101
Closest metre Iambic heptameter
Characters 832
Words 154
Sentences 11
Stanzas 4
Stanza Lengths 4, 4, 4, 4
Lines Amount 16
Letters per line (avg) 42
Words per line (avg) 10
Letters per stanza (avg) 168
Words per stanza (avg) 39
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Submitted on May 01, 2011

Modified on April 06, 2023

47 sec read
4

Akira Dawn

I just thought it would be interesting to get a little feedback on what I write. It is often quite abstract and truly not great (this is not my self-deprecation shining through), but I would really love to improve.I am inspired by the works of Mark Twain in particular, he is amongst the wisest men ever to have lived. more…

All Akira Dawn poems | Akira Dawn Books

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