Analysis of Never enough

I watch him in pain
His hand inside another
I'm crying silently
No tears
And I'm just a lie

I won't believe he loves me
I'm never enough
I tried so hard
But I'm done trying

I've lost myself
Between pornos and sex toys I now hate
I see the boredom in his eyes
Love like this is suicide
As I sharpen this cold knife
I thrust upon it with all my weight

Then I bleed
A slow drip
And walk around with it inside

And I blame myself
And get so fucking high
I can't comprehend anything
But in this state of mind
I thinly survive
Addicted to the struggle
I really should just go on and die