Analysis of Pain

my past transgressions
are reasons for my present expressions of depression
that was supposed to come with a lesson but all I got was pain and shit that wasn’t pleasant
but I still see him walking around this earth happily while I die like a peasant

Demons cross from my mind to my hearcausing intrusion
Ppl say I blackout in and out in public screaming causing random confusions
They can’t see what I see
I’m lost in the head and I see killer illusions
My friends think I went mad and see nothing more but bitter delusions
I wanted to come to a better conclusion.
But all I’m doing is seeing allusions
I feel like I’m going mad
Everything feels like a bad dream
But Ik it’s nothing but reality
I’m tryna hide and escape from the pain
But I can’t make a plan
My life is destroyed
I’m trying to stay strong
My heart and mind going to war
It’s giving me a headache
I’m smiling with the pain
Even when it hurts
My pain hurts much
My friends see I’m happy
My heart sees my pain
Tbh idk what I see
I feel numb
But yet my body
Moves through it all
When all I want is sleep