Analysis of Heavenly state of mind

Oh, I miss those days
When I sat peacefully on the top of mountains covered with haze,
Those carefree moments lagged behind
Leaving an irremovable scar deep in my mind.

Look how I was transformed!
From killing mosquitoes while my mother roasted maize,
I became part of this continuous rat race
From learning to conquer the terror of darks,
I learnt to regret on my marks.

How badly I want to shout, I failed,
I am from that soil where once intellectuals hailed!
To hide and distract me from the bitter truth,
I wanna find a sharp knife,
And slit down my cursed throat .

How the people would love to tell behind me,
About the forgotten girl who had a pretty hard life,
Got killed and burnt ,
Maybe it was just a 'mental suicide'.