Analysis of I decided

I'm writing this poem to express
 how I feel deep down inside.
Although I'm down and out
I'd be damned if they take my pride.
I figured it all out about
What they were doing to me.
A very long 81/2 years
Lessons learned- now I can see.
I'm trying to keep myself
From falling apart.
Knowing they knew what they
We're doing from the start.
Feeling like they want me dead
Or in a mental place.
So that way he could move on
And his girl wouldn't see it my face.
I suffer cuz I loved him
unconditionally and way 2 much.
Just wanted him to be happy
But now that feeling got flushed.
Telling him that I would
Never give up
Standing on my balcony sipping
On my coffee cup.
I now decided to
Stand up for me.
And try and find
Somebody else to see.