Who am I?

I'm sitting here
And I think
I could do something else
But I'm here
And it can't be reversed

So what to do?
I think it should be clear
But I'm blue
And I feel some kind of fear

Nothing special just stabbing pain
I'm lost and I start to get insane
Why can't I know what would be right?
Why no one answers even the night?

I have to calm down and think straight
To hear reply it's proper to wait
But what am I doing? Moving a pen?
Wasting ink? Creating a plan?

Maybe I'm writing? Portraying who I am?
Hurting a paper? Playing a game?
Selling dreams or giving for free?
What am I doing and who is really me?