No Broccoli For Me

Mom always told me
to eat my broccoli,
the accursed green vegetable,
who finds this disgusting plant delectable?
I sure as hell don't

Call me childish,
nonsensical like Dr. Seuss,
no matter how old I may be,
I will never, ever, ever eat broccoli
I would not eat it in a house,
I would not feed it to a mouse,
I would not eat it to silence other kids' taunts
I would not eat it to give in to what my mom wants
I would not eat it with cheese
not even if you said please
I would not eat it to get dessert
I would not eat it anyplace on Earth

When I'm older, and I'm out on a date,
no matter the time or place,
I wouldn't eat it in a restaurant,
not even to be with a handsome guy,
not for a kiss, or a pretty little ring,
not even cooked in a delicious chicken pot pie,
or accompanied by meat,
no broccoli for me
not now, not ever

Cover it in ranch dressing,
season it in salt and pepper,
cook it with butter,
but I will never eat broccoli
not now, not ever
don't care if I someday go to Japan
the vegetables in their meals presented well,
even in a unique fashion, so attractively,
or see it eaten in Hollywood by celebrities,
I shall always hate broccoli,
in any shape, way, or form

No broccoli for me,
not trying to be mean
but I'm too old for this crap,
I'm not a child anymore, I'm at the age of nineteen,
I've grown just fine without the accursed vegetable,
I didn't eat it now, and I never will
try to make me eat it all you like,
but your efforts are futile
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Submitted on August 21, 2014

Modified on April 12, 2023

1:31 min read

Quick analysis:

Scheme aabbx xxaaccxxddxx xxxefexAG fggaGxxadax Ahxhbxxb
Closest metre Iambic tetrameter
Characters 1,418
Words 296
Stanzas 5
Stanza Lengths 5, 12, 9, 11, 8

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