Merry Christmas, My Sweet!

Now, Christmas Eve's no time to bring home a collie
You plucked from the pound. And compounding my folly,
This old girl was skeletal, haggard and lank,
With a rheumatoid gait and a coat downright dank.

But my Linda had said she'd be two hours late
And I'd already gotten (a hedge against fate)
That jewel-laden pin that she'd eyed in the store.
So I carried in "April", who flopped on the floor

While I wrapped Linda's presents with never an inkling,
Till I turned and saw April contentedly tinkling
On presents and tree. And, much worse, saw my spouse,
right on time, with a wave, driving up to the house.

I was staring in shock at impending divorce
And I HAD to do something...I'd hide her, of course!
So I thrust April into my bathroom and then
Galloped back up the hall just as Linda came in.

"Well hello, darling! Guess what I brought home for you?
Something special, a Christmas Eve present or two!"
But she held up a hand while she sniffed at the tree,
Then her face changed and, turning, she looked straight at me.

Then she strode down the hall to the only door closed,
And threw it wide open. And there, as if posed,
Was a tail-wagging April. A sub-zero silence
That lasted a year. Fearing imminent violence,

I turned on the charm. "Merry Christmas, my sweet!
'Course it's just for the night---", I had started to bleat,
When the miracle happened. I saw Linda take
April's paw and then give it a comradely shake.

"Well, let's bathe her," said Linda, "come on, look alive!
We've got plenty of time till your parents arrive."
And whenever we talk of that Christmas, the thing
That she says she loved best was..."That pin. I LOVE bling!"
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Submitted on May 01, 2011

Modified on March 05, 2023

1:33 min read

Quick analysis:

Closest metre Iambic hexameter
Characters 1,612
Words 306
Stanzas 8
Stanza Lengths 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4

Stephen Colley

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    "Merry Christmas, My Sweet!" STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 17 May 2024. <,-my-sweet!>.

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    How many syllables an Iambic Pentameter line must have?
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