Keep Your Shoes

Comically obsessive behaviour
might possibly relate to my good self,
please have a seat in my clean humble home -
but do not forget to take off your shoes,
I jest - keep them on your stinky old feet.
Labels keep my sanity strapped to earth,
from towels to dishes for my fancy guests,
co-ordinated examples smile love;
personality's exaggeration
is not everyone's cup of fine Earl Gray,
but it is mine so watch it or I'll scream!
Perhaps you know my dear sweet brother Ross?
He's a palaeontologist you know,
try saying that after a glass of wine
while the vacuum sucks coffee granules.
Many moons ago weight was an issue,
but now it is not so please don't bring that
up again or I'll have to burn your coat.
My husband's name is Chandler Bing - so weird!
You may call me Monica E Gellar
for I'm a modern woman and besides
there's no way I am ever going to sign
his stupid second name - it sucks big time.
Thank you kindly for visiting this day,
don't forget to shut the door when you leave.