Adrenaline Junky

So I found myself thinking
So much about life lately
Like why am I here am I dreaming
Why me and then ever so slightly
I began to ask questions that made me think I was crazy
Delerious out of my mind nutty

For I found my thoughts racing
Mind hesitating
Not being able to be me

That I found myself fighting
And actually enjoying
The feeling I was feeling
During the beating
Without even questioning
My reasonaing

Just a rush I felt immensely
So intensely
Like a hurricane but Heavenly
That I found I was quickly
Finding
Just how addicting
And incredibly thrilling
Mind blowing
That I found I was becoming
An adrenaline junky

Though there seemed to be nothing
Out there that was working
Not the rush I was seeking
That could be fulfilling

And I continued searching
'Til the day that I was jumping
Out of planes I was diving
By choice I was willing
Arms flailing
Wind Blowing
As I found myself free
falling
At a velocity
Speeding
Every second increasing
When I found my chute failing

And just that quickly
I found I could see
And what a sight - the scenery

So beautiful I was finding
The view as I was falling
So amazing and exciting
As the ground was getting
Ever so closer realizing
A few seconds of surviving
'Til my body felt the crushing
Ground as I went splattering

And once again I found myself thinking
About life, why me - was it worth living

Was it just that easy
Could it really be
As I finally
Came to an understanding
As I found myself answering
The question I'd been asking
For so long wondering
Only too late came the finding
For the chute was still not working
And I'd given up on trying
And I was still falling
Speed increasing
Seconds left no longer screaming

When I found myself wishing
For a chance to go on living
When I hit the ground knowing
This would be my ending
Nothing stopping me from dying

To find myself only sweating
In my bed heart pounding
Eyes wide heavily breathing

Though no longer was I worrying
For I was in my room and had only been dreaming