Her Life's Lament

Normal is a hurtful stereotype,
But so is special.
And what if she’s both?
On the inside, she’s different from everyone else,
Afraid to speak for fear of saying something wrong,
Hiding her anger and sadness,
Never letting anyone in.
But on the outside, no thinks of her,
she’s not cool or attractive,
Funny or popular.
Is that even what matters?
She’s kind, smart, athletic,
But do people see that?
No, they see a little girl,
Caught up in another world,
Never paying attention,
Acing tests, but never knowing the gossip.
And the boy she likes may never know,
Because she may never show
What he makes her feel.
She reaches out for a dream passing by
But doesn’t run to catch it.
When will she try?

She loves to sing,
But no one cares.
Never danced with a boy,
But no one cares.
She feels inadequate and under pressure
All the time
But no one cares!
Who will see,
Who will make a change,
Who will feel her pain?

Close to her sister, yet far.
Do their lives lead down the same path,
Or is there something else she should do?
Teach the children, drive the semis, or design the buildings?
Life is a mystery,
And no better way to solve the problems than to push them from mind.
If you can’t see it, it isn’t there.
So she loses herself in video games, movies, shows, books, daydreams, and songs,
Living in alternate realities,
Jumping from world to world,
Time to time,
Life to life,
Barely living her own.
Her life is a dream she is passing through,
Contently letting go of reality.
When will she feel again?
What will she feel?
Where will she find it?
Unanswered questions flit through her mind as fast as a hummingbird’s wings,
Because it is better to forget than to struggle with those anxious thoughts.

Fast and smart,
Never getting lost,
Changing course,
But never forgetting where the destination is.
She hopes a hand will reach to her in the dark,
And hopes for it to be his hand,
But he can’t see it.
He sees through the veil of her outer life,
Knowing nothing,
Yet being kind.
She loves to hear his voice,
His laughter,
See his smile,
His movements.
They make her think of a better life, and are her bridge from dream world to reality.
Without him, she would be lost, never thinking of the real world.

She never thinks she is good enough,
Seeing all her failures,
Vowing to learn from them,
To not make the same mistakes again.
And some failures she sees as unfixable,
Pushing them aside,
Struggling when the time comes to deal with them,
regretting afterward.
Her mind is racked with all her faults,
Those she cannot try to fix,
Those that make her groan with embarrassment.
Her only escape is into her daydreams,
Her happiness is there,
Her pleasure,
Her love.
And then she comes back and sees the touchable,
Yet always casts it aside for the untouchable.
Her new reality always comes back to her,
It saves her from her childhood,
It saves her from her guilt,
And yet she is not saved.
A smile,
A word,
From him,
And she sees the light.
But then he is with her,
And he is always with a her,
She never has a chance,
Her courage fleeting.
The challenge is too great,
Too terrifying,
Daunting,
Taunting,
Running,
Flitting,
Calling her name,
Daring her to give chase,
And her only fear is that when she gives in,
Gives in to chase it,
And if she catches it,
Will it hurl her down,
Farther than she ever was before,
And never let her live again?

Would she ever love again?