Hold On

All of my life.
You have taught me how to hold on.
Whenever I feel pain,  don't cry about it.
And Whenever I feel that pain, even as it rests upon my heart, like a foundation of an estate on acerage hold it in my head so that my conscience is seared.  Hold it standing up and walking in place,  until my knees grow weak, until my feet bleed,  and until how ever long it takes for the message to sink in.
Hold on.
Until I think I cannot any longer , and then keep holding on.
Through the sickness.
Through the lack.
Through the neglect.
Through slavery.
Through exorcism.
Through the desolation.
Through domestic violence.
Through the infinite darkness that gnaws away at my peace of mind.
Through the repetition of this project availing me.
And all of the things I mentioned before.
Like being squeezed as a lemon,  for my fluid to trickle out into the thirsty mouths of a colony of vampires,  I know that they don't exist,  but living in an bloodthirsty Roman umpire , I can hardly see any different.
I am all churched up , I'm tapping out,  I am giving up.
I'm holding on for my date of death,  my date of birth I couldn't live without asking how old am I?
Because celebrating was seldom and rare,  and catching my breath is all new to me.
Being without the electricity of enlightened sermons,  and songs of empowerment is not okay by me.
I need the fuel to hold on now.
I need the unperturbed power,  give me the power.
Until then I am the Pilar to an unfamiliar family of illegal spirits.
I don't think that they know,  that even worse every transgression paid out to the order of me, I hold on tightly to.
Because the day will come where I can't say no to my turning point.  My points of authority.  
The nights come when it's pouring down raining outside my window Paynes,  and I will hold on to my pillow for dearest life.
Wishing how I want to cry; Wishing how I it wouldn't ever rain.
You taught me how you can live your life with any degree of success,  experience and pleasure,  but I am not supposed to,  but the only thing that I am entitled is not to hold on,  because everyone is saying that I have to go back to whence I come,  I am not normal enough to belong as the rest,  I have to hold on with all my heart and soul that I don't have mother; don't have a father; don't want a lover,  but don't need a friend,  so where do I go? Who do I belong; if I am not truly a child of a surrogate?
Whenever I am in trouble; quotating scriptures the only thing you do for me,  so why do I have to hold on to everything?
This is unhealthy; not worth my time; not worth pulling me away from the living altar,  and into a coffin,  not worth me being encamped with misery the company,  that you entertain onwards just deceive yourself inside into thinking that this is the purpose of man.
I can't stand that hold on to your presence; a mischievous grievance; my mistake.
I can't seem to make out the charactuers abound past the heavy fog of smoke,  but you are the reason for the fire,  aren't you?
I will hold on for my help that never comes for me.
I will not be ranked upon remarkable,  when I struggle to blockade the flames without being burned in the open,  and I will stop holding on to the lie, you're coming for me someday soon now, I may not be worth the effort.
I can fly in the midst of a waterspout to the brim without getting turned around when you know that I know that we must continue to go our separate ways,  it's written down in encryption codes throughout my spirit guide.
I must hold on to myself.

Authorship by Dr. Dashaun Snipes
©️ Dr. Dashaun Snipes
®️ Hold On