Plea TSD

Lately I sleep while I’m awake
With constant visions where my life is at stake
While I fight off the world till I’ve had more than I can take
To stay sane Im working too hard to change what for soo long I’ve needed to recreate
So everyone can see all the feels I have yet to reciprocate
I’m so broke that I have nothing left but dark conversations to initiate
So Irate I feel as if all I do for you is irritate
Far too much always on my plate
That I’ve started to starve myself till I feel like these emotions I imitate
I’m trapped in a world where they just get too crippled for me to navigate
As of late I’m over here left to contemplate
How much longer I can walk around trying to fake
That I have no trouble finding things left here to appreciate
Happiness is something I cannot innovate
Seems like right now all I can do is internalize & isolate
Kuz my mind isn’t in the greatest state
Constantly I wonder how many of you out there can relate
Soo many of my friends just spend their time with the you’ll be okay debate
Instead of listening to my fears just stack up & soul annihilate
I’ve tried soo hard to make this pain vacate
Only to realize my systems too toxic to irrigate
Instead of just closing the gate
Letting all these bad thoughts just choose my fate
While I completely deflate
With no concentration left to get me back on track to being great
God how I wish I could just snap back & regulate
Instead of being this & breeding too much self hate
I can’t just keep stuffing it all down & let it become too much that I have ate
Till I’m unsuccessfully trying to vomit it all out as my eyes continue to dilate
Finally feel as if I have enough words in me to help illustrate
So you can picture what’s inside keeping me from getting my mind straight
Instead of watching myself completely disintegrate
Until I bury it deep enough I am caused to incinerate
Becoming nothing but ashes left spread out for conversations only you can initiate.