I am not my weight

Not my best. Very messy. But just had to get this frustration off my chest.

~I am not my Weight~
Written: 12/02/2021

Please stop
I dont want to hear about your active lifestyle
Or 5 small meals a day regime
Congratulations on your discipline

Believe you me
I know the lifestyle all too well
Slaving over a hot stove five times a day
Preparing each meal weighed to precision.

120g yogurt
2 tablespoons protein powder
Try not to vomit at the texture
I'm doing this "for me"

98
75
71
Not thin enough.

Look in the mirror
At a plus size girl starring at me
You're loved
But you'll be more loved if you're smaller.

And so I go in hating myself
Ignoring the praise
Not seeing what some insist
Only seeing what apparently defines me.

But I am not my weight
It took me years to realise this
Looking back at photos of my "thinnest"
When I still felt my fattest unworthiest.

I am not my weight
Preconceived ideas that I'm lazy
A slob that overeats
That's unhappiness is all in the scale

I'm not unhappy because I'm overweight
I'm overweight because I'm unhappy
Please don't confuse the two
The pounds do pile with the weight of life

I'm tired of being only seen for 1 thing
For something so insignificant
To the soul that will leave this body behind
That manifests in so much more than something that will eventually deteriorate anyways.

I am my art
My words
My actions that speak so loud
And the love I relentlessly give as the world rejects me.

I am not my weight.
I am my laugh that echoes
My smile that glows
And my untimely jokes at awkward times.

I am not my weight
There are worse things to be
Than a mistake made in self destruction
That people expect you to daily repent

As if it where the most damning of sins
Most evil of actions
To not be a size 0
To not live up to an indefinable standard.

I'm more than my weight.
Just as my best friend
Who is told to eat more
Told she has no ass or boobs

When do we win?
Where do we win?
Beyond always being told we are not good enough
Never enough

You're too big
You must be lazy
You're too thin
You must not eat at all

You're hairs too dark
Your eyes too blue
Your nose too sharp
Your smile too skew

You're too friendly
You're always in a mood
You're heartless and too shrewd
You're too kind and too good.

I'm more than my smile
I'm more than my face
I'm more than what you thinks worth your while
I'm more than my weight.

I'm more...
I'm more than what you assume
I could be worse things than fat
I could be worse things it's true.

So don't tell me about your diet plan
I'll lose weight when and because I want to
What I  can't stand is people with unrealistic standards hiding behind "health concerns" like a brand.

Contrary to popular debate
The world doesnt revolve around you
And whatever I decide for myself
I'll always be more than my weight.