Tired

I am just tired.
I am tired of feeling less than enough.
I am tired of the constant begging for your attention.
I am tired of parenting on my own.
I am tired of the what ifs, the how comes, and the broken promises.
I am tired of the “I’ll be better” statements.
So tired of seeing read 6:07 pm or whatever time you decide to finally read my texts I’ve sent all day and not getting a response.
I am tired of being a second thought.
I am tired seeing my friends go on happy dates and seeing them smiling real smiles in their photos.
I am tired of the “idk” as a response to me pouring my heart out.
I am tired of sleeping alone.
I am tired of feeling less than enough.
So tired of making excuses as to why you aren’t around. As to why you let me down again. As to why you have yet another excuse to not be here.
I am tired of feeling like I did something wrong when I don’t hear from you.
I am tired of the constant ache in my heart.
I am tired of watching our son smile and grow while you aren’t here.
Don’t misunderstand me I love watching his smile grow as he looks directly at me with the blue eyes he got found me. But I am tired of wishing you were he to see how much he looks like you when he smiles.
I am tired of picturing a life with someone who is probably isn’t picturing a life with me.
I am tired on running conversations that we have had through my head and wondering where it all went wrong.
I am tired of hearing you say in my head over and over again “this is it for me. You are stuck with me forever.”
I am just tired.
I
Am
Just
Tired.