In my blood

I hate that I can feel you in my blood.
Every single heart beat whispers your name
But I have to live a life where I keep it to myself
Because in the end you only caused more pain

Why did you have to come in
and tangle yourself into my soul
Why did it have to hit so hard and so strong
Why couldn’t you stay to watch it all unfold

You told me so many things
And held me while I fell in love
You added hope to this so called life
You could heal my sadness in the warmth of your hug

And then in one failed swoop
You lied.
You broke my heart into a million pieces
And then ran when I cried

Then you made it worse with your silence
And every time you came back you hurt me even more.
Why couldn’t you have walked away and let me heal
Instead you lied again and left me crying on the floor.

Life became a hell that I couldn’t escape
Because every time you came back
I wanted you just as I did before
But you couldn’t be real or right or give me the love I needed
When it came time for that you would hit the door.

The pain and the love would intertwine in ways that could only cause a storm
Dark clouds would hover and lightening would strike
And then all the dark days would form.

I had to dig myself out each and every time
I had to go through the motions of life just to get by
I would scream and cry and laugh and smile
While you just went about your day without the thought to even try

Try to be better, try to be honest, try to be the man you claimed to be
Try to let love in to heal your heart
And try to open your eyes to see

But you were too cold and too isolated
To see anything past yourself
Too selfish too tired
Too into you

I can’t go back to what caused this pain
And yet my heart still whispers your name.

I can’t go back to the emotions that flood
And yet I can still feel you in my blood.

I hate that I can feel you in my blood.