No Time Left

I'm soo tired of fighting for happiness, Trying to solve problems in people who just hurt me as much as they can. They will go on to cause my weariness and leave me filled with dread... that was not my plan, silence is a place I stay, nothingness fills my darkest times, in my mind my thoughts they lay.
Feeling lost and out of control, my heart pounds violently full of fear, trying to figure out why I can't console, My broken heart shattered from all the pain, of those who say I bring nothing but shame. Words are always crossed and used as a weapon to defeat me, no matter how hard I try their plans are to deceive me. Loyal to a point of self destruction, all to prove I'm worthy of love and kindness, only to find they leave me in my broken blindness. No where to turn, no where to run, Just trapped inside until I come undone.  Anxiety rages and my depression sets in, so here I sit in agony doubting my existence, causing my soul complete resistance. To feel like you were born unlovable, traces of insanity flees from my past from a mother who was uncontrollable and a father who was absent from my existence, always pretending to be.... but never the less I felt his resistance.
Time unwinds reminding me of how mortal I really seem, all the time lost amd wasted and now I'm stuck with no rewind to undo and know my disesteem.
Life will go on without me one day, clouds will keep rolling by, time will end with no means...just know I did my best and love you all the same. Hoping one day to forgive me, for we all will dance like figurines.