I'm tired

I'm tired..

Tired of these days I see myself cry in the mirror
When every single time my heart gets a bit more bitter

Tired of these moments where I'm short of breath
Panick attacks, experiencing like it's my own death

Tired of these moments I feel like I'm useless
Smiling everyday to cover up all these bruises

Seeing myself falling, looking for grip
How long is this gonna take? Feels like a bad trip
There I am, laying at the bottom
Shit, fck, now I have a real problem
Looking up, light is so far away
I'm not depressed, like my past
I just don't feel okay
My chest, it all feels heavy
My mind, messed up. Looking for something steady.

Something to pull myself up again
Can't see the sun through the rain
I mean I can, just don't feel its heat
Falling back again, beneath
Feel like a fcking joke (, a noob)
How do I get out of this loop?!