Mother and Him

Tear stained cheeks, bruises left on me
His yellow teeth, in the closet hiding
Shit on the wall, noose around my neck
Things I haven't said

Some days it's all I think about,
In the back of my mind reaching every little tendril of thought

The fact that you chose him, a man,
A stranger, over me, your child
The fact that to this day you see nothing wrong with your actions, to this day you're ensnared by his wile

Here I am holding on to the past because it's embedded deeply into every cell, around my body surrounding me like a cast

Sometimes I still see him in the shadows, Sometimes I dream about him holding me down, I hope if you're reading this you frown

The scars that are invisible because they're in my head, in my memories
And when you're feeling guilt, I hope you think of me

Sometimes at night I lay there staring at the wall, because in darkness no one will see me fall. So no one will see the tear stains on my cheeks, no one will look down on me

It's you that I blame for all the shame that I carry on my shoulders, it is you that I blame for my self-hatred

Because maybe if my mom had been there for me, I would know how to be there for myself. Maybe I would know how to ask for help