God's gift

God ruined my childhood, after he ruined my parents.
He gave them the trials of loving each other and hating each other,
and he gave them me.

The story that became mine caused them so much grief,
and grew so many grudges.

God stoked those fires.
 God peeled the scabs off those festering wounds again and again.
God made two people and hurt them over and over, so, when they came together,
 they hurt each other more.

And when two hurt people love each other very much,
a miracle is born.
And they hurt it too.
As God intended.

Not only did he orchestrate this beautiful phenomenon, but he also graciously planted himself in the center.

I am able to thank him whenever I accomplish anything and beg him for forgiveness when I fail.
God was there for me more than my parents were,
 but I was only ever able to see him through them.

I was blessed that I could learn about him and his righteousness.
Unlike other children, I was lucky enough to know God, and that he was always watching me.
Surely, he was watching over my naked, juvenile body, as I learned what pleasure was,
and quickly learned how he saw me for it.
Wicked and vulgar.

By his Grace, I knew him and that if I convinced all of me,
I might really know him personally,
In my heart.
Like he knew me,
inside and out.