Boy X

I’m sorry, Boy X.
I know I was selfish, rude, inconsiderate.
I know I pushed you away,
I know I stopped talking to you,
I know, I was stupid.

I’m sorry, Boy X.
I wanted to save you from the pain.
From my pain, my misery and sorrow,
To save you from myself,
I know, I was wrong for you.

I’m sorry, Boy X.
I know I should have been more kind, more caring, more careful.
By saving you I broke my porcelain, my skin,
I broke myself to free you from my grasp,
I know, I was near dead.

I’m sorry, Boy X.
I know I avoided you for a week straight.
I avoided you like the plague,
I wouldn’t even look at my phone when you tried to text me,
I know, I should have answered.

I’m sorry, Boy X.
I owe you a real explanation.
You said I avoided you, and I said, “Yes I did”,
I was harsh because I was scared, scared you would see the mark on my neck,
I know, I should have told you.

I’m sorry, Boy X.
I should have told you, but I was scared, I was weak and fragile.
I wanted to save you from my sadness,
From my pessimism,
I know, in a way, I did.

I am sorry, Boy X.
But at least now,
When I see you,
Passing me by like a stranger in the halls,
I know, without me, you are happier now.

(For Boy X, may you live a long and prosperous life.
 Even if I can’t be in it.)