I'm not a survivor

Lord it seems I did this wrong but I didn't know what was going on and I'm sorry that I didn't realize just what You were doing within me any sooner.
All I felt was pain and instead of clinging on to You I drifted off further.
Lord, but it hurt like hell, I didn't think that growing felt like I was falling apart.
I should have held on to You, held on tighter til I got through everything that I thought was killing me.
All along You were teaching me how to be a fighter not a survivor.
When all along I thought that I was growing tired and weaker you were making me stronger.
I'm sorry that I did it wrong but I didn't know what was going on and while I was trying to heal myself and numb the pain You were molding me, reshaping me into who I would become.
I'm not a survivor, everything I went through was meant for me. I'm just sorry that I didn't see It sooner, I didn't think that growing felt like I was falling apart.