Little Cry Poem

I regret the choices I made last year,
And I will regret the ones I made this year.
But, at least I was happy.
Or so I thought,
I got left out,
People looked down on me,
I was getting drunk everyday and taking pills
I didn't need,
but it was all shits and giggles, right?
I cried,
I cut,
I didn't sleep
And I ruined my innocent brain,
I became people's entertainment not because I was funny but because I was popular for the wrong reasons.
That's wasn't who I was ment to be,
but that's what happened.
The lows were low and the highs were high,
But...that was before my best friend went to America for 5 weeks,
it just got worse from there.
The highs were short and the lows were even lower,
I needed a fresh start.
By the time my birthday rolled around I was being cyber bullied, over and over and over again till my depression got so bad I couldn't get out of bed of brush my teeth or hair.
I needed to move schools and make new friends,
And that I did but I was still alone in myself.
I found new people and eventually got rid of the others.
they made me feel included and loved but now all I can think is that they'll leave like everyone else.

Fastforward till now and at this point I think I'm bipolar or something,
the only difference is the highs are long and the lows are short, well shorter,
but now when I'm low I'm so low and don't realise it and feel as if life has always been this way,
It gets to the point of suicidal,
It never used to be like that.
I wish I could go back to before I know what I know now,
Before I got insecure,
And before everything got fucked up.
It feels as if I will never be who I used to again,
And I have a feeling it never will,
But that can also be a good thing because I have two beautiful people in my life that make me feel more me than ever even when I'm jacked up on anti depressants I love them both so much I would kill for them and I hope they would do the same for me.

I've still got my addiction issues but at least I'm not a joke to everyone anymore, only to myself.