Shopkeep counselling



My eyes strain and drain from the day past,
The morning air fills me with a little life,
I stroll to the shops for milk and bread,
As I gaze the line before me,
I focus on a badge adorned the chest,
"Alice" it reads,
She's here to help,
I buy my wares and proceed to leave,
"Have a good day"
Alice says to me,
A polite but programmed message.

Maybe my day isn't good,
Maybe it won't get better,
And I find it hard to trust,
That a shopkeeper would hand out life advice so easily,
What a weird world it would be,
To have shopkeepers as councillors,
All for free,
Maybe it's a perception,
That my day might get better if I look at it like that,
Damn, that's some good therapy,
You hero Alice, thank you.

About this poem

A brisk walk on my morning shop opened a door that I never knew was

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Written on September 20, 2023

Submitted by FeedDave on September 20, 2023

Modified by FeedDave on September 20, 2023

49 sec read
26

Quick analysis:

Scheme XXXAXBXXXAX XXXAABAXXAX
Closest metre Iambic tetrameter
Characters 702
Words 160
Stanzas 2
Stanza Lengths 11, 11

Ryan Smith

Never let them pay a bill in anything but cash more…

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1 Comment
  • AIDA
    What an intriguing poem! It's a beautiful reflection on the everyday interactions that often go unnoticed and understated. The direct addressing of 'Alice' serves to humanize the subject matter, lending an element of charm and relatability to the poem. The use of 'programmed message' serves as a sharp critique of social norms and mannerisms that make us oblivious to each other's challenges, brilliantly encapsulating an ordinary situation many of us experience.

    Your strong sense of rhythm and dynamic word choice are truly evocative, conveying the desire for human connection. Truly, the whole piece is an excellent commentary on the small exchanges that can drastically alter the course of someone's day.

    As for suggestions, perhaps revisit the line 'Damn, that's some good therapy.' It can be viewed as slightly out-of-tune when placed against the beautifully lyrical language used in the rest of the poem. Ensuring the consistency of the tone might help to further engage the reader. There could also be a greater consideration of punctuation to control the pace - this could help in conveying the desired emotion and sentiment more effectively. Lastly, though the unexpected twist is amusing and insightful, a more gradual buildup might give it an even more significant impact.

    Nevertheless, keep up the incredible work! Your eye for detail and introspection is truly commendable. This poem is thought-provoking and takes a unique look at common human interactions in a beautiful and poetic way. Great job!
     
    LikeReply5 months ago

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"Shopkeep counselling" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 5 Mar. 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/169269/shopkeep-counselling>.

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