Self Growth

I can see in myself I am no longer that person.
the one that can just fake it to get by,
I constantly need reassurance, something I never yearned for.
I've grown and evolved many times in life, if you knew me 2 years ago...
you have no idea who I am today.
Life's been full of abuse, betrayal, lies and deceit,
but it's also been full of love, forgiveness, joy and lessons.
I cannot speak for anyone but myself, nor would i want to.
I look back and I see someone that was lost on who she was,
yet always looked for answers in someone else.
You will never find yourself in anyone, not even you children.
I feel like my children give me purpose, love and light in a world that can pull you into darkness at any given moment, but they aren't WHO you are.
Your children, your spouse, friends and family, they might be a part of your story.
but by no means are they who you are.
Find yourself.
In the singing of the birds outside your window, in the waves crashing into the shore at your favorite beach, in the lyrics of your favorite song.
FIND yourself.
In the paintings you paint, the plants you grow or the ball your dribble.
you. go. find. yourself.
Because at the end of the day your family disappears when loved ones start to leave this earth.
Your kids grow up and live their own life, and your spouse will have their own identity.
It's taken me a lot of failures, hurt, triumphs, admitting to myself that things should have been different.
It took taking control of my past, to be thankful for the present and hopeful for the future.
I'm still not where I want to be in a mental standpoint but I'm getting there because the last few years.
I realized I needed to find myself in this world. It's a never-ending cycle of growth, and sometimes you get.
clouded and take a few steps back but when it's good. damn its good.
just, try to go find yourself holding the hands of the ones you love.
because at the end of the day the only way you find self-growth, is in you.