LOST IN LOVE

Tears ran down my cheek. The pain I felt throughout my body, I never understood how words
could hurt so badly that a punch could not trump the pain. Feeling alone; not understanding
what I did so wrong to deserve this. All I ever knew was pain; either physically or emotionally.

And all I knew to give was love, even if they didn’t deserve it. Love and acceptance is the one
thing I longed for. Throughout my life I endured unnecessary situations trying to find love. Until I
almost experienced death.

I gathered the courage to stand up for myself and began to put myself first. I needed to be a
better role model for my children. Due to these experiences I was able to be a part of law
enforcement. This job led me to a path of strength and reinventing myself.

I still went through some struggles but managed to still stand on my own 2 feet. Most females
would have given up ( in my opinion). In my 30’s I thought I finally found what I had been
longing for. I got married for the first time and thought I was untouchable to any more pain.; but I
was wrong.

Flashbacks of all that pain started to come back and fear started to sink in. I began to feel like I
was in a dark hole with no way out. I began to lose myself and did not realize how bad it was
until my children, my everything, started to pull away from me.

I felt worthless to the point I felt my children were better off without me. I had started to think that
my life was to always be sad and alone because that’s all I had ever known and endured.

But some way somehow that little spark in me would not let down. It got fueled by a girl I became very close to; who is now my best friend; and she began to remind me of my worth. She never judged me and always found words of encouragement to keep me going.

Again, I found the courage to leave that situation and try and find myself. I began to find ways to
strengthen myself physically and emotionally. I started working out to relieve some of the anger I
had built up inside and started to look into spiritual healing. This journey led me to a better me
for a better future for my children.

I was able to find a job that I loved and met some great people within the company along the
way. My trials and tribulations led me to become wiser to certain situations and able to help different people experiencing what I had already gone through. I became Momma B to a lot of people.

Still, that feeling of incompleteness still lingered from within but I kept on pushing. A lot of people always tell me “every time I see you, you are always smiling.” Even though I know that behind that smile was still a lot of pain and a piece of my puzzle was still missing.

On April 10th I came across a TikTok of an Asian - Spanish mix. I said to myself “oh my