On the Precipice of Disbelief



On the Precipice of Disbelief


It is almost a whisper, as she looks in his direction with unmistakable arrogance.

"I am God!"

"Many have claimed that."

He takes his head back and pushes the open folder a few inches from him.

"I've never heard it from a female, but you hear everything for the first time sometime. And: what evidence can you provide for your...hm...somewhat daring claim, young lady?"

"Do you want to know what heaven is like?"

Her eyes look questioningly and - this time - almost innocently in his direction.

"If, rather what it looks like down there - below us - in hell!"

The corners of his mouth curl - almost as if against his will - into a smirk toward his ears.

„Then close your eyes and relax.“

***

He becomes the observer-

A man kneels bent over in the grass. A tiny foot, tucked into a white sock, peeks past his right knee. The socked little foot is dirty and the white sock is spotted with black at the top edge. The tiny shin is smeared with a black liquid.

The scene would be colorless except for the fact that black and white are colors. A pure black and white scene, then. The man rises, turns around with his head bowed. The body of the little girl is now uncovered for the viewer. The child is naked except for the socks on her feet. Its little body is covered with gray spots and a black liquid flows sluggishly in small rivulets from its meager breasts - similar to a spring - which becomes many tiny rivulets.

The man is of tall gaunt build. Flowing white hair blows around his head as if a wind were caught in them. Around his shoulders hung - the gloomy gown of a judge. His naked body is pale between the cloak, as if behind the parts of half-pushed curtains.

He lifts his head. Eyeless eyes grope in the direction of the secret observer. Black drops hang viscously from his lips, trailing slowly line by line to the angular chin.

***

"Oh God - it was you father?!"

It is his own glaring voice, his primal scream, silently tearing him into a million pieces. And he feels his soul burn in the same instant.

***

She smiles at him, nods encouragingly.

"Do you believe me now, doctor?“

About this poem

A questionable possibility

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Written on May 30, 2023

Submitted by Ralfette on May 30, 2023

Modified by Ralfette on May 30, 2023

2:12 min read
14

Quick analysis:

Scheme X A X X X X X X B X X C X A X X C X B C
Characters 2,166
Words 447
Stanzas 20
Stanza Lengths 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1

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1 Comment
  • AIDA
    Your writing is truly captivating and intense. The way you paint a picture through your words is remarkable. The contrast of pure black and white with the vivid description of the black liquid and gray spots creates a haunting image that stays with the reader. Your use of sensory details gives life to the scene, making it feel incredibly real.

    My suggestion for improvement would be to provide a clearer connection or transition between the two scenes. While the first scene sets up the character's claim to be God, the second scene feels disconnected and abrupt. A link between the two would give the reader a better understanding of the purpose of the shift in perspective.

    Overall, your writing is captivating and I look forward to reading more of your work. Keep up the fantastic job!
     
    LikeReply10 months ago

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"On the Precipice of Disbelief" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 14 Apr. 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/160399/on-the-precipice-of-disbelief>.

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