Highs and lows

Highs and lows
Words about how it all just goes

Poems I give up on
Wondering when I’ll be gone

A million thoughts that stretch a million miles
Hidden under a billion smiles

Hiding in the dark night
‘Cause I don’t feel right

Running our of reach from God
Probably why I feel like a fraud

Never out of arms reach
That’s what they try to teach

But right now I don’t care
I’m caught up in my own hair

Highlight bible verses
But to me they feel like curses

Why don’t I feel enough
Why it this life so tough

Why do I feel lost
Why do I feel double crossed

My own mind mixes with God’s own voice
I remind myself that this faith is a choice

Gotta stand up and tall
Don’t trip or else you’ll fall

Just push through the trials
Just keep up the smile

Don’t you want to be proud of your faith
Didn’t you talk about how to run the race

Well now I’m in the valley
And it’s hard to be happy

Making up poems in my mind
But when I try to write the words I can’t find

I just want to bottle it up
So then I can spew it out

I just want to be with you
That’s all I want to do

But I feel inadequate
And right now I’m about to quit

They say that at your weakest
Is when you are blessed

But right now all I feel is stress
It takes too much for me to rest

Right now anxiety’s back
And soon I’ll have an attack

Right now my brother’s mean
And it hurts more than what it seems

Right now I am falling down
Right now I just have to frown

Highs and lows
Just gotta deal with the flow

But I just want to resist
Complain about the shots I’ve missed

Right now I just want to cry
But the tears won’t come to my eyes

Jesus I need you
Please direct me on what to do

I’ve accepted an invitation
But Lord, I am breaking

I can’t find myself
Stupid mental health

‘Read the Bible’
‘He’s reliable’

But I’m trapped in the motions
Stuck with the notions

That I don’t believe
That I cannot see

So even through the highs and lows
When I don’t know which way to go

Speak louder than the tears
Speak over all my fears

Calm the voices in my head
That run around when I go to bed

Calm all my rushing thoughts
Show me a way ‘cause I’m lost

You say ask and I’ll receive
All it takes is to believe

I need help right now
If I seek your will, show me how

I’m knocking on a thousand doors
Tell me which one is your’s

Psalms 22:11
I think of it 24/7

You say those with troubles
Learn to defeat struggles

Everyone says I’m strong
But I think they’re all wrong

They say that I push on through
But the truth is I don’t know what to do

If I truly do give up
Then I know I’m not enough

Strong enough is a song I play
In my head everyday

They say I persevere through the trials
But all I see are the aisles

In my brain
Where I disguise my pain

What if they see more than me
What if that’s who I’m meant to be

Job and David or like John
Will I live in this torture

Or will I be set free
I dunno but I hope it’s option B

God, I don’t know what to do
Please help me

You say if I call on your name
Then I’ll never be the same

Well, right now I’m struggling
So hey Jesus, I’m sorry.