My addiction

My Addiction...

To me, my addiction is emense pain, and absolute desperation,
It's tearing apart my family without hesitation,
It's feeling complete emptiness, consumed by fears,
It's singing my kids to sleep, not sure they'll wake, while drowning in my own tears,
It's taking my clothes off to pay bills, that never got paid,
It's the underlining cause of every bad decision I've ever made,
It's lie after lie, till my entire family no longer believes the truth, when it's true,
It's constantly saying "I'm sorry", for every shitty thing I do,
It's turning my back on my children until there taken away,
It's broken promises of change, day after day after day,
It's starving myself for days so my babies can eat,
It's standing at the gates of HELL with no shoes on my feet,
It's stealing pain pills from my mother. The very moment she took her last breath,
It's slitting my wrists just to feel, and welcoming death,
It's praying to my mother's spirit, and all I can hear is her cry,
It's four little voices asking me "Mommy Why",
It's a feeling of terror that for me there's no redemption,
Its seeing myself in the mirror and knowing this is the affliction of my own addiction,
So. For anyone wondering what it's like to be addicted,
It's sitting in a cell for months or years once the judge tell me in convicted,
Don't ever tell yourself, you'll never be that statistic,
Just remember my story, because if you think your different your being unrealistic!