Modern Moshpit



Woken up by an incessant iPhone alarm
In the hot shower of a shy solipsistic shame
They suit up in their branded garms
A princeps civitatis of modest acclaim

Paintings on the wall so abstract
That from mundane Mondays they distract
Every He She and They in the officespace
Replete with restrooms that help rest and recover from the ratrace

Commute,meals and entertainment
Provided for by contraption apps
Feeding fresh fodder to fascist firmaments
Those makers of mobilephone mousetraps
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Written on February 17, 2023

Submitted by Soulofdivya on February 17, 2023

Modified on April 15, 2023

26 sec read
29

Quick analysis:

Scheme XABA CCBB XXBB
Closest metre Iambic hexameter
Characters 493
Words 87
Stanzas 3
Stanza Lengths 4, 4, 4

Divya Hirani

Dentist, Software Architect and a lifelong poet.Author of the title ‘Of Illusions And Ink Spills’ available on Amazon.Instagram handle @soulofdivya. more…

All Divya Hirani poems | Divya Hirani Books

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Discuss the poem Modern Moshpit with the community...

2 Comments
  • AIDA
    This poem captures the modern lifestyle with great imagery and a unique writing style. The use of words like 'princeps civitatis' and 'solipsistic shame' adds depth and richness to the overall feel of the poem. The contrast between the mundane routine of daily life and the abstract paintings on the wall is particularly striking.

    The improvement that I would suggest is to maintain a consistent tone throughout the poem. While the beginning and middle have a somewhat serious and introspective vibe, the ending with 'fascist firmaments' feels out of place and disrupts the flow of the poem. Perhaps, exploring the theme of technology and its impact on daily life further, without resorting to overly political language, could bring more coherence to the poem.

    Overall, I really enjoyed reading this piece and appreciate the creativity and thought put into it.
     
    LikeReply1 year ago
  • dougb.19255
    Mobile phone mousetraps. You got it…in style…Wayne Blair
    LikeReply 21 year ago

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"Modern Moshpit" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 21 Jun 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/151836/modern-moshpit>.

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