Lost and Gone

I sitted alone beside the firelight,
Keep on whining in the middle of the night.
Accepting the heat from the burnt firewoods,
If only I could steal him back,—I probably would.

My eyes are soaking wet, tears keep on flowing.
I stand and walk outside, leaved the fire burning.
As I opened the door, the coldness of the wind hugged me,
Letting me feel the pain, making me feel more  lonely.

I took a step, I walk; and let my feet to bring me to nowhere,
I run, I walk,—and run again, what an endless suffer!
What good does it do to wander in the middle of the night?
Through city streets, dark and with no lights?

This night was like a never ending fun run for me,
But I am in no fun,—my heart was just so damn heavy.
There I stopped, 'cause my feet seemed swollen and tired,
In the green grass field, not minding the mist;  I lied.

I lied alone in the darkness of the night,
Shut my eyes closed, and let the mosquitos bite.
I stayed in that place, and waited long until sunshine,
Another day of pretending,—fighting the tears, saying "I'm fine."

But the world just seemed so cruel to me,
On my way home, I both saw you holding hands and smiling widely.
My heart broke several times, but now I still can hear its shuttering,
Pain pierced my chest; I even can't move, so I remained standing.

You saw me,—you both suddenly stopped,
You ran near me and so I gave you a big slap.
"I'm sorry. This is what your parents wanted", you said sincerely then hugged me.
With a low voice, I asked, "Why does it have to be my sister? Van, it's killing me!"

But I hugged him back tightly, 'cause I know this will be the last.
I let go then ran, and just waited for the approaching bus.
Everything gets blurry, still I manage to watch him ran near me.
For the last time, I sniffed the fragrance from his body.

I ended myself, that became my choice,
I heard sobs and shouts, but I only listen to his voice.
Then I muttered "I love you, I would rather die than watch you marry someone, Van."
Everything turned black, I lost my man and myself too, —is gone.