Memories

MEMORIES

I wish I had captured some memories better,
Held onto them more tightly,
Imprinted them in my vision forever,
And lived happily ever after.

I wish I had a photo for the moment,
When we looked into each other’s eyes,
And knew that we loved,
Without uttering a word.

I wish I had written a long post on social media,
Describing every aspect of the day,
When my baby turned one,
As my heart overflowed with paternal bliss.

I wish I had more friends to witness,
When on our 25th,
We still had the same gleam in our eyes,
As we had on our 1st.

All those moments of happiness,
I wish, I remembered them better,
In more detail, but then,
I am thankful my memory is not that strong.

I am thankful that I do not have with me,
The letter from my in-laws,
Stating that I have stolen their daughter,
And all the curses and abuses that screamed through it.

I am thankful that I do not remember clearly,
What the nurses told me,
As I stood glued to the ICU door,
While my baby's breath faded away soon.

I am thankful that I do not remember distinctly,
Our 26th, when I sat alone in silence by her resting place,
With roses in my hand,
And tears in my eyes.

I am thankful that the tears have dried without a trace,
And the scars have faded to look like wrinkles,
And the memories have fogged,
Like a cold winter day.

Memories were a blessing and a bane,
And while I yearn for some,
I know why they fade, for if they did not,
We would have died every second everyday.