The bitter taste of love

I've been driving in my car for the past 30 minutes quietly. I feel the chilly breeze. I hear my thoughts. And they take  over me.
At the moment I didn’t know if I felt disappointed, angry or just sad.
I didn’t know if I wanted to scream or to cry. I thought maybe if I ignore it it will go away. For some reason it seems to be easier to ignore my hurt.
Or atleast I could pretend that it didn’t hurt.
Walking around like I was happy.
 I was so good at pretending.                                    

My heart would skip a beat as I would get closer to his house. Every time I would see him, my eyes got brighter. Nothing else matter at the moment.
The struggle was leaving. knowing that the  love he showed me at the moment was temporary. Because as soon as I would leave his heart belong to someone else.
Me knowing that his I love you’s were for someone else’s not just mine.
So long I prended like it didn’t hurt. Yet when I was alone my emotions would take over me. So bad that there were days where I couldn’t get up. Days where I couldn’t eat. Some days were harder than others.

I had so much people around me that loved me. And suggested I should leave him alone and move on. But my heart wouldn’t let me. Many people enjoyed my company. But he didn’t seem to like spending time with me. I was so angry but at myself for allowing someone to take so much power over me.     I was in a very dark place in my life. And I jus didn’t know what to do. How could someone that said that loves you treat you so poorly.
 I tried hard to move on. And every time I was gettin closer he would drag me back into his lies.