I Lost

Ok. I lost.
Take my car keys.
Here is the password to my safe.

You want my warm bed?
A reason to live?
You want to sprinkle
this magic light all over
your frosted flakes?
You want the source
of my eternal joy,
the fire of my creative engine?
Or my heart on a bed of
leafy greens?

Ok. I got mixed up in the wrong jam.
I got my career stuck in
a busted sink. Wasted decades.
Never quite found enough love.
Never finished those novels.
Managed to flub every opportunity,
neglected to demonstrate sufficient gratitude
when the heavens rained
such bounty upon me.

Ok. Fine. I’m a screwup.
Never lived up to the hype
or found a way to bring the lightning
upon command,
messed up every relationship,
only knew how to love myself first,
was too blind to the pain of others,
too distracted by a billion foolish needs.

Ok, I was vain.
Ok, I was cowardly.
Ok, I didn’t have quite the right work ethic
and wasted years just thinking
it would all magically work out.

Ok, I rang the wrong buzzer
let racoons into my house
fell into a manhole
sang to the wrong sun.

Ok. Ok. It wasn’t good enough.
It wasn’t what you wanted.

But I’m here now goddamnit,
and I’m ready to turn this
big old bus around,
so sit back
and watch
as my crazy ass
makes up
for lost time.

About this poem

"I Lost" is from Matt Nagin's poetry collection "Notes From The Bonfire" available here: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B08NW8B1YD

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Submitted by mattnagin on November 29, 2021

Modified on March 05, 2023

1:23 min read

Quick analysis:

Closest metre Iambic trimeter
Characters 1,270
Words 277
Stanzas 8
Stanza Lengths 3, 10, 9, 8, 5, 4, 2, 8

Matt Nagin

Matt Nagin is a writer, educator, actor, filmmaker, and standup comedian. In December 2019, Matt's humor book, "Do Not Feed The Clown" was published by Tenth Street Press, and, since then, has obtained excellent reviews. In 2018, Matt's poem, "If We Are Doomed," won The Spirit First Editor's Choice Award, and the following year, another poem, "Birds Singing In My Chest," was published in the anthology "New York's Best Emerging Poets 2019." He has two books of poetry available on Amazon, "Butterflies Lost Within The Crooked Moonlight," and "Feast of Sapphires," both of which have obtained very strong reviews. Kirkus Reviews, for example, referred to Matt's first book as "powerful verse from a writer of real talent." Matt’s first collection of humorous writings, “From the Fridge to the Crackerjack Box”, was published in 2007, and since then he’s had satirical work showcased in The Humor Times, The Satirist, Robot Butt, Points In Case and The New York Post. Matt also wrote/directed a short film, “Inside Job,” that won awards on the festival circuit, such as Best Short at The Mediterranean Film Festival Cannes and Best Supporting Actor at the Nice International Film Festival. As an actor, Matt has appeared on a wide range of TV and film programs, most recently in a Co-Star role in a scene with Al Pacino, in a new Amazon series, “Hunters," produced by Jordan Peele. Matt has further performed standup in seven countries, on The Dr. Steve Show, The Wendy Williams Show, and at The Edinburgh Comedy Festival. A survivor of Crohn’s disease, for thirty years, Matt was granted The Crohn’s and Colitis Foundation’s 2019 Mission Award. more…

All Matt Nagin poems | Matt Nagin Books

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    "I Lost" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 21 Jun 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/114808/i-lost>.

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