Analysis of Common Cold
Ogden Nash 1902 (Rye, New York) – 1971 (Baltimore)
Go hang yourself, you old M.D.!
You shall not sneer at me.
Pick up your hat and stethoscope,
Go wash your mouth with laundry soap;
I contemplate a joy exquisite
I'm not paying you for your visit.
I did not call you to be told
My malady is a common cold.
By pounding brow and swollen lip;
By fever's hot and scaly grip;
By those two red redundant eyes
That weep like woeful April skies;
By racking snuffle, snort, and sniff;
By handkerchief after handkerchief;
This cold you wave away as naught
Is the damnedest cold man ever caught!
Give ear, you scientific fossil!
Here is the genuine Cold Colossal;
The Cold of which researchers dream,
The Perfect Cold, the Cold Supreme.
This honored system humbly holds
The Super-cold to end all colds;
The Cold Crusading for Democracy;
The Führer of the Streptococcracy.
Bacilli swarm within my portals
Such as were ne'er conceived by mortals,
But bred by scientists wise and hoary
In some Olympic laboratory;
Bacteria as large as mice,
With feet of fire and heads of ice
Who never interrupt for slumber
Their stamping elephantine rumba
A common cold, gadzooks, forsooth!
Ah, yes. And Lincoln was jostled by Booth;
Don Juan was a budding gallant,
And Shakespeare's plays show signs of talent;
The Arctic winter is fairly coolish,
And your diagnosis is fairly foolish.
Oh what a derision history holds
For the man who belittled the Cold of Colds!
Scheme | ABCCAAAA DDEEFFAA GGHHIIBE JJBBKKXB LLAAMMII |
---|---|
Poetic Form | Tetractys (20%) |
Metre | 1101111 111111 1111010 11111101 11001100 111011110 11111111 110010101 11010101 111011 11110101 11110101 1101101 110010100 11110111 10111101 11101010 1101001010 01111001 00110101 11010101 01011111 0101010100 011101 1101110 110101110 1111001010 01010100 01001111 111100111 11001110 110011 010111 1101011011 11101010 01111110 010101101 0101011010 1100101001 10110100111 |
Closest metre | Iambic tetrameter |
Characters | 1,345 |
Words | 242 |
Sentences | 13 |
Stanzas | 5 |
Stanza Lengths | 8, 8, 8, 8, 8 |
Lines Amount | 40 |
Letters per line (avg) | 27 |
Words per line (avg) | 6 |
Letters per stanza (avg) | 219 |
Words per stanza (avg) | 48 |
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"Common Cold" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 21 May 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem-analysis/54582/common-cold>.
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