Analysis of Past moments of hating you

I don’t understand the pain that comes with love
Aren’t you supposed to stay when things are getting tough?
You were supposed to stay for us
You didn’t have to leave
17 years old
And I still haven’t got to greave
But when i was young
I thought the world of you
But now growing up, I see you in a different view
A view that I don’t want
A view I can’t erase
Looking back at the bad moments
When u locked us in that place
You scared us to death
 told us not to cry
But then you expect everyone to be there by your side
Like
Make it make sense
Because cause for me I am confused
But seeing all that you did
You surely must have been amused
I want to say “I forgive you”
After everything that you done
But sometimes I feel that it has barely even begun
I thought growing up would make things better  
And that I finally get to be free
But knowing that I won’t know you
It breaks my heart in three
The 1st piece of thinking the world of you
Even though what you did was wrong
the 2nd piece of waiting for you to come get us
And wondered “what took you so long?”
The 3rd piece of me wanting to get to know you
But sadly you are gone
And there’s nothing I can do
Mom I wish you were here
I have a lot to say
I hope we get to hug
And that I’ll see you one day