Analysis of Stirrer heart

Lessons learned i know I won't get what I have earned, everything I have done i had done it for fun even tho I couldn't stop the gun
My mind is always racing and my heart can never find what its chasing, my mind intends to forget even the weed hasn't helped yet.
My life has gone down hill at this point I wanna go to the army and be what I was born to be... born to kill.
Life gets harder and easier but everything becomes an energy eraser, I've tried and cried and died all over again in some kind of time
If I could end this life that is so misunderstood I would for the better good but I don't know if I should.
My life has never been calm this forest I've been stuck in has my mind gone, most of everything I had done gives me the urge to use a gun for the sake of my love