Analysis of The Old Crustonians Lodge

T’was on the first Monday  in June
At the end of a long afternoon
They arrived with their cases
And wrinkled old faces
For the lodge meeting commencing soon

And after a detour to the loos
They wandered in smelling of booze
And then inter alia
They doned their regalia
And lined up to pay in their dues

To the old Treasurer Jack Glence
Decimal money didn’t make any sense
If you paid in new money
He’d just think it funny
‘’cause he still worked  in pounds, shillings and pence.

The crusty old secret’ry George Flower
Under bushy old eyebrows did glower
As he mumbled through text
From one word to the next
Till the minutes took nearly an hour

The old inner guard Brother Lee
Heard the loud knocks one, two, three
And plodded over the floor
To open the door
But then found that he’d misplaced the key

The master to the knelt candidate Joe Crick,
After urging the old chaplain “Be quick”,
Barked  “Dominus fartus, itchinus arsus;
Foller the man with the stick.”

The doddery old deacon named Martin
Interrupted the ceremony by fartin’
As he leant on his staff
They all started to laugh
Just as the ritual was startin’.

The junior warden, Brother Kenny
Was desperate to be spending a penny
With a sigh and a cough
He called the lodge off
And for reason he didn’t give any

The old DC, brother Pete
Dozed off and fell off his seat
He got up from the floor
Though his shoulder felt sore
And struggled back onto his feet

The old master looked down his nose
And decided it was time he rose
His old bones did creak as he started to speak
And duly the lodge he did close

And he turned to the old warden Brother Randall
And told him what he could do with his candle
The same with his gavel
And suggested it travel
Till all that’s left out was the handle.