Analysis of Naomi



I feel the prick against my skin
Where you begin to carve away
The stubborn chaff that never dies;
And are they lies, the words you say?
Will this, my cleansing and my shine
E’er make you mine? This blood-stained sheet
That drapes about me like a cape
(below the nape) is billowing
As in this winter’s breeze the pull
Might shake and cull for anxious hand—
So mind the pressure, mind the prick,
(It makes me sick), and understand
That blood is not an endless fount.
Like years that count and run astray—
I hope that mine will not bleed dry
(I hear you sigh), or, worse, away.
Now as you wipe away the years
I feel the fears arise again
And with each cold metallic rake
I start to shake, and think of when
The sea, the sand and all the sky
Was yours and mine—before the storm
That grew around and swallowed you—
Before you knew, before you formed
And found that all we stormswept men
Would call again—would never cease
Or leave the raging, leave the swell
But gasp until your lovely sea
Accepted all we had to give:
That you could live, we all would die.
The razor is now in your hand
(I understand the signified)
And as I feel you pressing down
(What is that sound?) a bit too much
(A tear? A laugh? A strangled cry—
But yours or mine?) I count it such
A triviality to fear
If I hold dear (and dear, it is)
The promise that I made to you
When we were new; and so if this
Is how you must remember me
I hope you see not in the blood
An ounce of pain, or hate or rue,
But love for you, and for the flood.


Scheme ABCBDEFGHIJIEBKBLMNMKOPQMRSTUKIVWXKXYZP1 T2 P2
Poetic Form
Metre 11010111 11011101 01011101 01110111 11110011 11111111 11011101 01011100 10110101 11011101 11010101 1111001 11111101 11110101 11111111 11111101 11110101 11010101 01110101 11110111 01010101 11010101 11010101 01110111 0111111 11011101 11010101 11011101 01011111 11111111 01011011 101010 01111101 11110111 01010101 11111111 0010011 11110111 01011111 11010111 11110101 11111001 11111111 11110101
Closest metre Iambic tetrameter
Characters 1,519
Words 311
Sentences 10
Stanzas 1
Stanza Lengths 44
Lines Amount 44
Letters per line (avg) 26
Words per line (avg) 7
Letters per stanza (avg) 1,150
Words per stanza (avg) 299

About this poem

Inspired by the shaving scene toward the end of Tanizaki's 'Naomi'. I thought Joji was pathetic when I read the book. Then I found myself becoming him. So this is also in a small way confessional.

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Written on March 25, 2022

Submitted by jmwsw on April 25, 2022

Modified on March 05, 2023

1:33 min read
58

Jared Woods

Started writing poems a long time ago to impress a girl. Didn't know what the hell I was doing. Refined it over time and got to where I really enjoyed it. It became like pressing the button in LOST for me. Then I quit for several years. Now I'm trying to get back into it a little at a time. Again, because of a girl. But I'm not trying to impress her, this time. I'm trying to thank her for reminding me of what I'd forgotten, for helping me rediscover what I had lost. For bringing me back to life. And the only way to do that is to write. more…

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