Analysis of 4am thoughts

I wake up in d middle of d nyt
Wondering y u still by my side
I stay up thinking hard
How did I become such a retard
I know wat I want & need
And yet I feel like I've lost my creed!

The things I keep to myself
I can't even begin to count off of the shelf
The tears, the scars, the pain
Will be all that I'll have in remains
Being tired isn't enough
Cuz life never stops getting rough

My skin crawls with disgust
My flesh screams at life's harsh thrust
My bones screech with exhaustion
My veins are pinched with confusion
My body isn't mine anymore
And my mind is always sore!

The life I imagined growing up
Is the exact one I'm tearing up
I can't stop myself from loving you
And I can't stop u from doing you
I live for mines and those around me
And still try to stay on 2 feet for me

I know i can't do it all on my own
But I won't stop trying til I'm blown
I'm drowning but still floating
I'm suffering but I'm still coping
I'm dying but still breathing
I'm hurting but I'm still fighting

Soon it'll be all worth it
My time will be over with
My kids will look up to me
And say that's "My Mommy"
I'll have lived my life to the fullest
And my kids will have no worries nonetheless!