Analysis of Hurt

I don't even know what to think anymore because the longer he puts this off the more I feel like it's all true and I can't even be mad at him. I can't feel anything except the same hurt that he felt when I did it to him.. This is my fault its happening. I failed.. As a wife.. As a mother.. As a daughter.. I failed as a wife because my husband has to find his sexual needs elsewhere.. I failed as a mother because I'm still not showing my son what a real woman looks like.. I failed as a daughter because I have no emotional response whatsoever to my mom being diagnosed with leukemia.. I'm a fuckin' monster. I don't blame anybody who doesn't want to be around me rn.. I'm a fuckin' virus that has no cure.. I just mess things up where ever I go and just get karma in the end. Is that really what I am.? A virus without a cure.? Cause if I am I definitely need a miracle and a genius to get a damn vaccine and cure for myself cause I just destroy whatevers in my path.. It's all my fault.. All of it. And I deserve it.