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Might sound like pessimism

But it's a question of why do we live?
For what? It seems the world is filled with suffering/pain.
Of course, the book, 'secret' told us to think like god and feel good, to attain good.
Does it really work? It worked for me for a while, but when I started to have greed,
It started to spiral down. and I stopped wishing.
It's like a vending machine - put in, and wait, get stng. surprise.

It was quite agonizing in each and every process.
fear bred result that fear could beget, therefore, had to avoid it,
so, deliberately write about stng good, but the situation doesn't change,
then resort to some reasons, and that lead to hell lot of music
which again lead us astray - all of us.

So, there is no actual answer or solution for our pain and suffering
But, again, it's like a thin ice, better not observe someone's suffering,
Better not speak of it, better not write about it,
Just focus on the life one has, and try hard not to make it broken.

For instance, when I was writing to Haik- i had a mental illness (that noone could cure, therefore)
Still I needed to fit in (so I kept it inside, until he literally poked me)
The fear was kind of immense, what if what I write here destroy my family happiness
I was afraid, yet, luring madness and obsession is so great,
now I can detach it, I couldn't back then,
It's a process of learning - there is a depth of mentality. (dark, bright, unenlightened)

It is a frustration if universe seems to taunt at you - 'here are gifts, you could come in'
with such eyes, nobody can truly detach, therefore, 'wait and wait'
but not so sure what all that delusional waiting is about,
that's your logic part, but the obsession is, if he could be special, so could i,
so you wait and wait, you don't know what it is.

It's suffering.
if I were you, I would rip my heart out.
i would go mentally crazy - I would say stuff like, 'am I experiencing this becuz
I said there was glass ceiling in human world, you thought I was arrogant for feeling
fulfilled of everything I have, you took away becuz you yourself was suffering without a thing
probably in hawaii. Who are you? I would say,'
I would argue, I would go crazy.

And if you look at hawaii, I can imagine you, reflected upon my middle class life
and my aging society that I belong,
Life is dull without excercising and continuously moving and holding onto the fast hard working
life style, day-to-day same routine, you created a society
There was probably nothing much to live for, except being so all alone, ect

and that's how we grow
and my dad says he can hear sound in his brain - and I was like oh, i don't want verichip in my family's head, becuz it lasted 4 years for me
It's a casting a vote from out of nowhere to whomever, and that whomever has no mercy what-so-ever
and so, as a human, I was stuck with a verichip for four years,
And as much as Andre suffers, there is nothing I can do. I suffer also.
It must be for her, also. do you feel now? (whomever did that to you is cruel)

I am not from a rich family.
I want to cut my life short and die early (if neccessary) for my parents to live long and happy.
Personally, I don't like this world very much.
This world is like facebook - you are not allowed to say, you don't like it.
you oppose it. becuz everybody else is drunk of that 'alcohol' in their water
And everybody else loves it.
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Submitted on December 20, 2015

3:17 min read

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