Everyone Poops

When nature calls away from home

you need to find a public throne

a place that's clean to spread your cheeks

one that flushes without plumbing leaks

not at an outhouse or a remote latrine

they're so disgusting and very obscene

　

Time to hurry you're poking cotton

skid mark stains are never forgotten

 parking your car at the local K-mart

 releasing pressure, cheek sneak a f*rt

concern turns to fear of what you dread

passing gas has formed a turtle head

　

As your back side slaps the toilet seat

you realize this job will end incomplete

burning eyes from the methane vapor

on the roll not one square of paper

so every time you cut the cheese

don't forget to clinch and squeeze