Second Place

There is a slight burden of being in second place.

not slight
not moderate
I wouldn’t say harsh.

let’s say there’s no words to describe it but
I know that if I was in third place, I would be happy that at least I got a ranking.
but with second place all I think is
I could’ve tried harder to achieve first place.

I’m always in second place.
there’s always someone, something better than me.
I’m always better.
never the best

In second grade, on the second day of the second month, we had a competition.
I forgot what it was about, but I do remember getting second place.

I’m always second place.
I’m the ‘second place’ best friend.
not the acquaintance friend
but not quite the close friend
the friend that tries to shine the light on her for a
couple of seconds but nobody seems to care.

I’m like the understudy.
the next best thing

I’m like the backup pen in case you lost your first one.
and I try to leave this friendship because I know that if i leave sooner my heart won’t be ripped to shreds.

but oh, the feeling when you say my name.
say something nice about me
bring me into the conversations
I lose myself in these delusions
that we are actual best friends
it’s like a simulation
but not really.