Deleted

Discuss the poem Deleted with the community...

https://www.poetry.com/poem/180503/i-am-my-mother's-legacy

Newest Oldest Popular

2 Comments

 

Notify me of new comments via email.

Publish

• 

  MaximillianWiseman

  What an exquisite piece that'll remind any kids of their beautiful mom

  LikeReply3 months ago
  • 

    Symmetry60

    Thank you very much. I appreciate your kindness, comment and time. Mom would also be appreciative. ;-)

    LikeReply3 months ago
• 

  Noddy

  Although the poem is at odds with itself both rhythmically and metrically (the abcb slips up in the second verse, recovers and just hangs on; the 5 3 4 3 iambic pattern also slips up in verses 3,4 and 6) and could use another round or two of revisions, for this reader the poem was engaging on a visceral level.
  The central metaphor of a legacy, a “carrying forward “ as the poet puts it, that sense of unfulfilled potential finally brought to fulfillment, of debts paid in the very person of the son and his willingness to pick up those”shreds”(shards?),“sedentary” (sedimentary?) aspects of a life less lived than undergone, is forcefully captured in the overall wistful tone of the poem.
  Although the momentary lapses of craft cause the poem to stumble and intrude slightly on its overall success, these are more than redeemed in the strong imagery and the elegiac quality of the whole. Ah yes, mothers and sons. more »

  LikeReply 13 months ago
  • 

    Symmetry60

    99% here are not literary majors which is why most write to the level of respective, educative backgrounds.
    
    I write solely for the pleasure of writing and never to fulfill the mundaneness and lifeless tedium of poetic policy. Poetry too structured loses its humanity and its humanness. Imperfection is what I, and most others, seek as to promote and emote upon a human playing field. That is precisely why the most technical poems seldom win in this medium. Believe me, I've tried to no avail - not a single vote. People don't care about meter or metric near as much as being moved or related to - tears over technicality 24/7/365.
    I sincerely appreciate the critique but will continue to construct and construe in human fashion such as those here who seek the fragility of fallibility over the dispassion of policy and procedure. ;-)
    
    That you were able to, and willing to, overlook these apparent shortcomings as to cast your vote in my direction is telling. I very much appreciate the honesty, but nothing will change from my vantage point.
    
    If you'll note, nearly every individual on this sight tends more to support one another than to over critique. We're primarily comprised of 9-to-5ers, grandmothers, truckers and fuckers who write as a release and not to appease parameter.
    
    Thank you for your vote. It is appreciated. Be well. more »

    LikeReply3 months ago
  • 

    Noddy

    You are of course correct about the folks on the website in every respect, their motivation and their poetic preferences. Where we part company I think is over the issue of what you call technicality and I’d prefer to call craft. I truly believe we can have tears and technique. The so-called judging criteria that gets dutifully attached every month nudges us toward taking tears and technique into consideration when we’re responding and I tried to do that when responding to your poem. That it came off as heavy-handed to you I regret. I simply subscribe to the notion that every writer/artist has to at some time get to grips with the craft involved in any creative act. It’s clear to me from many readings of your poem you yourself were striving for craft. We’re not so far apart really.
    My thanks for your honesty. We can keep the conversation going any time you like! Cheers  more »

    LikeReply 13 months ago
  • 

    Symmetry60

    At no point do I feel you're wrong. I completely agree. We're simply two sides of the same coin. I didn't take the critique as anything but constructive. I was merely letting you know where I stand in terms of how I approach what I consider to be a hobby I am willing only to take as far as I am willing to take it.
    
    I've always been a bit rebellious in my approaches to any endeavor I've undertaken. I've run the gamut in terms of hobbies over the years, so you can assume I'm the jack-of-all-trades guy who's good at many but master of none. I'm okay with that. What I lack in parameter I make up for in passion. I do love to write. I also love to hit the gym like I have for 47-years, drum, play tennis, martial arts, golf and so on down the pike. I'm a wanderer at best and poet when the spirit moves me.
    I sincerely appreciate the critique. I understand that to be great at anything we must first and always be a student. I simply am not looking to color my poetry between the lines of poetic policy beyond where I feel compromised. I like my Ted Nugent Free-For-All style. LoL
    
    I hope to see you around the way in any regard. Thank you for the vote and your time. more »

    LikeReply3 months ago