I am murderer

            I am murderer!!

Something about me
Of which those who know me
Would find it hard to believe.
Many of times i always
Potray an individual
Of immaculate self love,
Unparalleled confidence.

But the truth is
I hate and i resent myself.
What i have done to myself
Is something i will never forgive
Myself for,this resentment
Is not something that is phenotypic
But it is somehow that
Which is within me deep.
A genotypic resentment ,hate
That can only fade with the return
And resurrection of death times.

I am murderer killer of my own dreams.
Your honour i plead guilty.
I was ignorant and i did not do
As i was supposed to do.
I stubbornly and ignorantly
Stood on this lane
Thinking i was running,
I thought, thinking, that is my sin
I failed to do.

You know why i resent myself?
Do you know what i did?
Well i killed,i obliterated and annihilated
My biggest dream
It was so big none could ever be.
I used to utter through these very lips
Through which i recite,
It was a dream that could melt away my heart,
I used to say i will make it real
Make it my fantasy in reality.
"Fantasy in my reality ",those were the words.

I wanted to be a doctor
That was my biggest dream.
But i killed it
Before i could even bring it to life.
How ironic i wanted to be a doctor
Yet i failed to keep my biggest
Dream alive.

I hate myself,and that is why.
I dont think i will ever forgive
Myself,i will never be at peace,
Not with what i did.
I ask forgiveness but will
I ever forgive myself?


           kgotso PSW